


When Time Stood Still

by hawk_soaring



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-12
Updated: 2013-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-11 16:53:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/800962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawk_soaring/pseuds/hawk_soaring
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim is working alone, and Blair’s fears become reality. (How’s that for vague?)</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Time Stood Still

Title: When Time Stood Still  
Author: Hawk  
Fandom: The Sentinel  
Pairing: Jim/ Blair  
Rating: FRM – just to be safe  
Summary: Jim is working alone, and Blair’s fears become reality. (How’s that for vague?)

Warning(s): Slash, established relationship, angst (it’s not a happy one, folks)

A/N: *emphasis*, // thoughts //

<><><>

Blair was lecturing a large group of freshmen who were obviously taking the Anthro 101 class for core credit and not because it held any interest what-so-ever. Other than a couple of kids, no one seemed even vaguely interested in what he was talking about. As with most freshmen, they assumed it would be an easy *A* and opted to get it out of the way early in their college careers. Unfortunately for them, Professor Sandburg wasn’t into giving out A’s to students who didn’t at least try to earn it.

He was just getting ready to hand back their very first exam, having already explained to the class why most of them would be seeing a failing grade on their papers. Amidst the grumbling, he heard the door to the lecture hall open and turned in time to see Simon poke his head inside.

Blair blanched. No one from the precinct had ever interrupted a class he was teaching before – well, except for Jim, and that was only once – and it was an emergency.

//Oh crap. Jim! //

Simon saw Blair go white and stepped forward at the same time as Blair’s teaching assistant. The young woman plucked the papers out of Blair’s lax hand and began handing them out, drawing the class’ attention away from Blair for the moment.

“I need to talk to you,” Simon began softly.

“It’s Jim, isn’t it? I told him this morning not to get into any trouble…”

Simon put his hand on Blair’s shoulder, bringing the nervous babble to a halt. “Can we step outside?” he asked.

Blair looked around and, seeing Sarah handing out the tests, nodded once before stepping out into the hall. Suddenly feeling very cold, he wrapped his arms around his body, and leaned against the wall. He flinched when Simon’s hand dropped onto his shoulder.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

Blair stared up at the tall man, waiting for whatever it was he had to say. He gulped when Simon ran his hand over his face. “Spit it out, Simon. What happened?”

Simon frowned. “What makes you think…?”

Blair laughed then, a short bark of sound. “What makes me think something happened? Let’s see… How about the fact that you have *never* pulled me out of a class before?” Blair began pacing. “Or how about the fact that you’re stalling me? Or – or how about the fact that I warned Jim to be careful today because I *knew* something bad was going to happen?” He was shouting now and Simon shushed him. “Don’t try to shut me up, Simon. Just tell me what happened.” Blair stopped pacing and stared up at the Captain. “He’s not…?” He grabbed the wall for support. “Tell me he’s not dead,” he finished in a near-whisper.

“Oh God, no! Geez … Blair.”

Blair gulped in air, as if he’d run a marathon. His world grayed around the edges and Simon helped him to a chair just as he was about to go down. He felt Simon’s large hand on the back of his neck, pushing his head down between his knees gently and rubbing softly as he caught his breath.

“You okay, Sandburg?” Simon asked softly.

Blair nodded and felt the pressure on his neck ease, allowing him to lift his head. He looked up at the big man squatting next to him. “Talk to me, Simon. I have to know.”

Simon nodded and sighed. “Why don’t you come with me? We can talk in the car.”

Blair nodded and got to his feet, wiping his suddenly sweating palms against the fabric of his jeans.

Simon nodded toward the closed door. “You need to go back in there?”

Blair hesitated for a second before shaking his head. “Sarah’s a good kid. She can handle the rest of the class. Let’s go.” He turned and began walking.

Simon smiled sadly and hustled to catch up to the smaller man.

<><><>

They’d been driving for a couple of minutes before Blair plucked up the courage to ask again. “Simon, what happened to Jim?” Intellectually he knew that whatever happened to Jim wasn’t his fault. His heart, however, was telling him something else entirely.

Just that morning, they’d argued… over something tiny … something insignificant. And now…

“You with me, Sandburg?” Simon asked again, noting that the other man’s eyes were slightly unfocused.

Blair roused himself and looked at Simon. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Yeah, Simon, I’m here.” He clutched his hands together in his lap, afraid to let go for fear of shaking apart.

Simon nodded. “There was an accident.”

Blair gasped and Simon looked at him quickly. He pressed his lips together to keep the cry he could feel welling up in his chest from escaping. Looking up again, he nodded for the Police Captain to continue.

Simon swore softly, making Blair flinch and draw in on himself. “Sorry. It was a routine case … a piece of cake.” Simon snorted in derision. “Turned out not to be so routine after all.”

It seemed to Blair as if Simon was talking to himself, replaying the day out loud. He shivered in response to the strangeness of it all, but kept silent – wanting – no, needing, the information the other man had to impart – information about his Sentinel – his lover – his best friend. Suddenly, he realized that Simon had been talking and he was missing the tale. He pushed his fears to the background and listened.

“And so they ran,” Simon was saying. “And when they ran, we chased them. Jim was on his own.” He glanced at Blair when the other man whimpered and saw that he was biting his lip hard enough to draw blood.

//My fault! It was all my fault! If only I’d been there…//

“There was nothing you could have done if you had come to work with Jim today, so get that look off your face right now,” Simon scolded. “It was an accident … nothing more. The chase was high speed – through town. Jim was driving his truck. He was closest to Sanderson’s car and would have had him in another minute. A quick bump and Sanderson would have spun out.” He sighed. “That’s when it happened.” His knuckles whitened on the steering wheel as he remembered. “A kid – a little girl – darted out in front of the truck. I thought for sure Jim was going to hit her. He was going way too fast to stop.”

Simon put his turn signal on and pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. When he had finished parking he turned to face Blair. His voice was soft when he continued. “Just when I thought he was going to run down that little girl he swerved. It all happened so fast. One minute he was bearing down on Sanderson and the next he was skidding sideways.” Simon grimaced with remembered pain. “The tires got caught on the curb and the truck rolled – barrel rolled at least four times – maybe more.”

Blair sobbed into the fist he’d stuffed into his mouth. “Is he? Simon…?”

The big man reached out and put his hand on Blair’s shoulder, giving it a little squeeze. “He’s alive, Blair.” He looked away.

“But?” Blair asked loudly. “But? Simon – tell me!”

Simon looked out the windshield at the hospital entrance. “He’s unconscious. He’s – pretty banged up. I left from the scene. I’m sure they will need you to sign for him to have surgery.”

Blair nodded and took a deep breath before opening his door and stepping out of the car. He held onto the roof for a minute as his world started to gray out again. Suddenly there was a strong hand on his shoulder and he looked up to see Simon at his side.

“Come on,” the big man said softly. “Let’s go find out how Jim’s doing.”

Blair nodded, took a deep breath and began what felt like the longest walk of his life.

<><><>

Blair glanced up at the clock on the wall as he paced around the surgical waiting room. Coming to a halt, he leaned his head against the wall and sighed. “How banged up, Simon?” the young man asked as he rolled the top of his head against the wall, bracing his weight on his hands.

Simon looked up. “What?”

Blair turned to face the man sitting in the too small chair. “You said Jim was pretty banged up. So, how banged up is he?” They hadn’t let Blair see Jim before he went into surgery. He’d barely gotten the papers signed when they told him Jim was already on his way up to the surgical suite.

Blair pushed away from the wall. “Look,” he said. “No one has been out here to tell us anything in the three hours we’ve been here. I need to know – what to expect.” He stopped pacing and stared at the stunned man sitting in front of him. “Talk to me – please. Tell me what happened – when you got to the truck. I need to know.”

Simon looked away, staring out the window for a moment. “I don’t want to do this, Blair.”

Blair sat next to Simon and put his hand on the larger man’s leg. “I know, Simon – but I’m going crazy here. Please,” he begged softly.

Simon nodded, staring down at his hands. His voice took on a far-away quality as he began speaking, almost as if he was reliving the moment, instead of just relaying the event. “It was as if time stood still… I think I hit the ground running. I got to the truck just seconds after it stopped rolling. I wasn’t thinking of the danger. All I could think of was that one of my men was in that truck -- *Jim* was in there. Another cop must have called the accident in because I could already hear the sirens.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Jim – Jim was a mess. He’d hit his head and there was blood. The door wouldn’t open – I remember trying it – tugging on it. Luckily for Jim the ambulance got there before I could do anything stupid.”

“What do you mean?” Blair asked softly.

Simon sighed. “I was so hyped up I was trying to get to Jim – to help him – get him out of the truck. I could have killed him. As soon as the ambulance crew got there they moved me away from the truck. Then one of them crawled into the truck through the blown out back window. I remember him putting a collar on Jim and it hit me. Jim could have a broken neck – I could have killed him by moving him. Things moved pretty quickly then. The rescue crew pried open the door of the truck, and by that time the guy inside the truck had already run an IV line. They – cut him out of the truck, got him on the gurney and ran for the ambulance. He was crashing. I remember them talking abut getting him into mast pants, but the doors of the ambulance closed then and they were gone.” Simon looked up at Blair. “That’s when I came for you.”

Blair nodded. “Thanks, Simon.”

“There was so much blood.” Simon got up and walked to the door of the waiting room. “Why hasn’t anyone come out? You’d think they would tell us something by now.”

Blair stood next to Simon and put his hand on the other man’s arm. “Come on, Simon. They’ll be out when they can.”

<><><>

The *when they can* turned out to be two hours later. When Blair heard his name being called he looked up at the clock on the wall and noted the time. He and Simon had been sitting – or pacing – in the small waiting area for five hours.

The man standing in the doorway was unfamiliar to Blair and he immediately began to worry about Jim’s drug allergies.

“Mr. Sandburg?” the surgeon began. “I’m Dr. Wilcox.”

Blair shook the surgeon’s hand and began peppering him with questions. “How’s Jim? When can I see him? Were you aware of his allergies?”

Dr. Wilcox smiled and held up a hand. “Whoa there, Mr. Sandburg. Let’s sit for a minute, okay?”

He moved to a chair and Blair sat in a chair next to Simon again. When the doctor frowned, he smiled. “Oh! This is Captain Banks – Jim’s boss – and our friend. You can speak freely in front of him.”

Dr. Wilcox nodded. “I understand you have Detective Ellison’s power of attorney.”

Blair nodded.

“Very well then.” He took a breath. “I was fully briefed on Mr. Ellison’s various drug allergies and past medical history before the surgery. We were cautious in sedating him for surgery. The anesthesiologist didn’t use and drug that he’s reacted to in the past. As it was, he had a mild set-back on the table and we had to switch anesthetics mid-surgery.” He paused at Blair’s gasp and nodded. “We got through it, Mr. Sandburg.”

“Blair,” he murmured. “Call me Blair.”

The doctor smiled. “Blair then. Mr. Ellison is a strong man and, luckily for him, he’s in good physical condition. I can honestly say that it is probably what saved his life. I’m not going to lie to you, Blair. He’s in pretty rough shape. He had an open fracture of the left femur…”

//My fault! // Blair’s thoughts intruded on the doctor’s talk.

“ … cracked ribs…”

//God, if I’d only been there! //

“ …collapsed lung…”

//I can’t believe I got so upset over nothing this morning.//

“… left wrist and left collar bone.”

Blair shook himself and began to listen more closely.

“He also has a fractured right ankle and a dislocated right knee and hip. There is localized swelling of the cervical spine – but no fractures that we could detect. He has a closed head injury. CAT scans show a localized hematoma just above the left ear. He is unconscious – in a coma. The next twelve hours will tell us more, but for now, he is in critical condition.”

“When can I see him?” Blair asked quickly.

Dr. Wilcox smiled. “I owe that nurse a twenty,” he said softly.

“What?”

The doctor chuckled. “One of the ICU nurses bet me twenty dollars that the first words out of your mouth after I finished telling you about your partner would be, *When can I see him*. I took the bet, unfortunately.”

Blair found himself smiling for the first time since this nightmare had begun. “Patricia?” he asked.

Again Dr. Wilcox looked surprised. “Yes, it was Patricia,” he confirmed. “And to answer your question, I don’t think it wise for you to see him at this point. He won’t know you’re here and …”

“I have to see him,” Blair asserted.

The doctor sighed. “She said you’d insist.” He stared at Blair. “You know I can just say no – right?”

Blair nodded. “You can – but if you want your patient to get better and yourself to get any relief from me, you’ll let me in to see him.”

“She said you’d bully me into letting you in there.”

Blair grinned. “Patricia knows us.”

“I’m beginning to get that picture.” The doctor stood. “Very well. Detective Ellison is still in the recovery room. I will alert the nursing staff to let you in to see him once he is settled into his room in the ICU.”

“Thank you, Dr. Wilcox.” Blair stood and extended his hand. He was surprised when it was engulfed in two strong hands.

“You’re welcome, Blair. I’ll see you later in the ICU.”

Blair watched the doctor walk out of the waiting room before all but collapsing into the chair beside Simon again. “Holy shit, Simon. *He’s pretty banged up* doesn’t even begin to cover it!”

“I know, Blair. I’m sorry.”

Blair shook his head. “Not your fault.”

“Or yours. Remember that,” Simon said softly.

<><><>

Blair couldn’t stifle his gasp when he first walked into Jim’s hospital room. He was immensely grateful for Patricia’s presence at his side and the quick squeeze on his arm.

“It’s okay, Blair,” she said softly as she walked past him and up to Jim’s bedside. As she charted Jim’s vital signs, she continued to talk to the distraught man standing in the doorway. “He’s doing pretty well, considering. His vitals have improved steadily since he came out of surgery. Dr. Wilcox still has him pretty heavily sedated. He wants to give Jim’s brain time to heal.”

“What’s that?” Blair asked softly as he took one step closer to the bed.

Patricia looked up. “What’s what, Blair?”

Blair waved toward the bed. “That – thing – around his head.”

Patricia smiled. “That’s a halo.”

Blair smiled in spite of himself and took another step closer to the bed. “A halo? So, you’re trying to tell me that Jim’s an angel?” Blair put his hands over his mouth to stifle a whimper as he realized what he’d said. Jim very well could have become an angel that day and just thinking of it make Blair start to hyperventilate.

Patricia chose to ignore Blair’s distress, hoping she could put the young man at ease again. “The halo is to hold Jim’s head and neck still. Dr. Wilcox still isn’t sure what is causing the localized swelling around the cervical vertebrae. He’ll give it a couple of days and then repeat the CAT scan. If the swelling is down by then, he’ll be able to tell just what’s going on.”

“Like a broken neck.”

“Or not,” she quickly interjected. “The swelling may resolve itself with no damage. The halo is precautionary.”

When Patricia looked up again, Blair was just a step away from Jim’s bedside. She began pointing things out to Blair, both to inform him as to what was going on and to help put him more at ease.

“This is the chest tube.”

“For the collapsed lung,” Blair interjected quickly.

Patricia smiled. “Right.” She noticed that Blair was standing right beside the bed now. She continued cataloging the various sensors and tubings that were visible. By the time she finished, she noticed Blair was much more at ease – but still hadn’t touched Jim.

“You can touch him, Blair. In fact, it would let him know you’re here.”

Blair looked at her. “But I thought…”

“We really don’t know what people who are in a coma hear or even feel. What I do know is that Jim always responds better when he knows you’re here.”

Blair blushed even as he nodded. He was gripping the bed rail and found it took a lot of sheer willpower to let go. He looked to Patricia.

“Just take his hand, Blair.” She patted his hand. “I’m going to leave you alone for a little while. Talk to him.”

Blair nodded as he reached out and gingerly wrapped his fingers around Jim’s cool ones. He couldn’t actually wrap his hands around Jim’s like he wanted because of the IV line running into the back of his hand. Just touching him made Blair feel a little better – and worse. It was as if he hadn’t believed all this was true until he touched him. Silent tears ran down Blair’s face as he bent close and pressed his lips against Jim’s cool fingertips.

“I love you, James Joseph Ellison. God, what I wouldn’t give to have a re-do on today, to wake up and find that this has all been some terrible nightmare.” He sniffled. “I’m sorry I snapped at you this morning. I just – knew – something was going to happen today and I couldn’t figure out how to ask you to stay home.” He chuckled softly. “And I knew you’d think I was crazy. Me? I think it was my Guide instinct trying to tell me something. I think it’s as much my job to keep you safe as it is yours to keep us all safe.”

Just then Dr. Wilcox walked in. “Hi, Blair. How’s he doing?”

Blair opened his mouth and closed it again. He frowned. “What do you mean?”

The doctor smiled. “I know what I saw in the OR. What do you see?” he asked gently.

Blair looked at Jim again. “Well, Simon telling me he was *pretty banged up* was an understatement. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen him so beaten up.”

“Go on,” the young doctor prodded.

Blair took a breath. “I don’t know. I guess it’s the halo thing – combined with the casts and pulleys. He’s in traction, right?”

Dr. Wilcox nodded. “Yes. I put Detective Ellison…”

“Jim,” Blair interrupted.

“Pardon me?”

“Please. Call him Jim.”

The doctor nodded. “Jim, then. I put Jim’s left leg in traction because where the break is. He may actually need another surgery on that leg. I’ll be able to tell more as the swelling goes down and we determine what kind of range of motion he has. His left arm is elevated to help relieve swelling in the cast. His ribs are taped. The ventilator is actually set low to allow for shallow inhalations so we don’t stress the ribs as they heal.”

Blair nodded. He’d seen vents before so that wasn’t what was really bothering him. “Tell me about the halo,” he said.

“Okay. What do you want to know?”

Blair shrugged. “It looks – painful,” he supplied.

The young physician smiled. “The first time I saw one in use I thought it looked quite barbaric,” he said.

Blair nodded. “I’ve seen barbaric,” he said with a small smile. “But this looks like it hurts.”

“It doesn’t,” Dr. Wilcox said firmly.

“Is it really screwed to his head?” Blair blurted.

“Yes. Come closer – up here where you can really see it.” Dr. Wilcox waited for Blair to get to the head of the bed before continuing. “These screws are what holds the halo in place and stabilize the head and neck.” He pointed out the row of screws that circled the metal device. “In a neck injury, any movement of the head can be disastrous, severing the spinal cord and paralyzing the patient – even killing them, in some cases. We don’t know the extent of Jim’s cervical injury, but I did note decreased reflex response and, so, determined the halo to be the most prudent method of immobilization until we can determine the true extent of the injury. We’ll do another CAT scan tomorrow to see if the swelling has gone down. Once we determine what the extent of the injury is, then we can decide if and when this contraption comes off.”

Blair nodded his understanding.

“I know it looks scary. Blair. But it is not causing Jim any additional discomfort.”

“Thank you,” Blair said softly. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Anything.”

“You said Jim was in a coma…”

“Drug induced.”

Blair nodded. “For how long?”

“At least overnight. We’ll have to see how he is doing tomorrow. I may decide to start to wean him off the drugs as early as tomorrow afternoon.”

“Okay – thanks.”

Dr. Wilcox watched the young man for a few moments. “You should head out now, Blair. Jim is going to sleep through the night and you need some food and rest.”

Blair looked up at the doctor and, noting the determination the man’s eyes, nodded his acquiescence. “Okay, just let me say good-bye.”

Dr. Wilcox nodded and stepped out of the room.

Blair picked up Jim’s hand again. “Did you hear that? He’s kicking me out. You’d better behave yourself tonight, Jim. I’ll see you first thing in the morning.” He bent and kissed the lax fingers in his grasp before settling Jim’s hand back on the bed. Taking another long look at his lover, he then turned and walked out of the room.

Dr. Wilcox was waiting by the nurses’ station.

“Thank you.” Blair shook the doctor’s hand. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The doctor smiled. “That you will. Good night, Blair.”

“Good night.”

“Blair?” Patricia spoke up. “Is your contact information still current on all the forms?”

Blair nodded. “Yes. I updated it today while I was waiting.”

She smiled. “Good. I’ll call you if there is any change tonight. And now you should get going. Your Captain Banks is still waiting – and getting hungry, if I don’t miss my guess.”

“Oh no! I’d forgotten about Simon being here. I’d better run. Thanks, Patricia.” Blair turned to go.

Two sets of eyes followed his progress out of the ICU.

Dr. Wilcox spoke first. “He’s quite a remarkable young man, isn’t he?”

Patricia smiled. “That he is. And he’s quite devoted to Mr. Ellison. Although I have to say the devotion goes both ways.”

“I just hope that mutual devotion pays off,” the young doctor mused. “Jim Ellison is going to need all the determination he can muster – or borrow – to get through this.”

<><><>

//Day two, // Blair thought, // and life goes on. //

He sighed softly as he cupped his hand around Jim’s face. “Come back to me, Jim,” he said softly. He straightened up and grimaced as the muscles in his back protested the movement with shooting pains.

He’d been at Jim’s bedside since seven a.m. – the soonest they would let him into the ICU. Oh, they had kicked him out for lunch, and, he knew they would probably kick him out around dinner time too. But, for the most part, they left him alone. They didn’t understand the *why* of it, but he made Jim well faster than if he wasn’t there. That seemed like enough for the medical staff and Blair would never be able to explain why he needed to be there anyway.

Sure enough, at seven o’clock Carol, Jim’s current nurse, poked her head in. “Blair, you need to go home. Get some dinner – and some rest. You’ve been here all day.”

“Is that an order?” he asked with a small smile.

She grinned. “If it needs to be.”

Blair stood and stretched. Finally, realizing he really was hungry, he nodded. “Okay, I’ll go. Be sure to call me if there is any change.”

“I will, Blair.”

“Anything at all.”

“Any change at all, Blair and I will call you immediately. Now, shoo.”

Blair smiled, kissed Jim’s lax fingers and whispered good-bye to his lover.

<><><>

// Day three… and still no change, // Blair thought, with a sigh.

The CAT scan had shown no lessening of the swelling around Jim’s spinal cord. Dr. Wilcox had said not to worry – that it was still early – but Blair worried anyway. How could he not? Jim could be paralyzed. Hell, there was still a better than average chance that he wouldn’t pull through at all. That was the thought that kept him awake at night as he lay in their bed and stared up through the skylight. How could he carry on without Jim in his life?

“Jim, I have to go back to work tomorrow – just for a little while – so I won’t be in to see you in the morning. But don’t you worry. I’ll be in to see you as soon as my office hours are over. Don’t give the nurses a hard time, you hear?” He kissed Jim’s fingers – the only part of him he could reach with the halo in the way. “I love you Jim Ellison.”

<><><>

“Day four and you’re still sleeping on me, Ellison,” Blair chided as he sat beside Jim’s bed.

They had removed the halo while Blair had been at work. Jim’s neck wasn’t broken and Blair found himself thanking every deity he could name for that small favor. He also found himself praying to those same deities that Jim would start to get better.

Dr. Wilcox had called Blair at work, nearly scaring the young man half to death, to tell him that he’d removed the halo and to tell him he was weaning Jim off the drugs that were keeping him in a coma. He said he was hoping for marked improvement by this evening.

“And here it is seven hours later and you’re giving me nothing,” Blair chided the sleeping man.

<><><>

When the phone rang in the middle of the night, Blair was out of bed and half way down the stairs before he realized he was awake. His heart pounding, he picked up the phone.

It was Dr. Wilcox telling him Jim had taken a turn for the worse and they needed to take him back to the operating room. Blair gave his consent and hung up the phone, replacing the receiver with shaking hands.

Blair was dressed and out the door in a matter of minutes.

After pacing the surgical waiting room for what seemed like hours, Dr. Wilcox came in to talk to him.

“Blair, there is no easy way to say this. The hematoma behind Jim’s left ear had grown in size and was causing pressure on his brain. He began seizing earlier tonight. There is a possibility that he has had a stroke and I can’t begin to predict what kind of brain damage he may have – if any.”

Blair gasped. “What are you saying?” he asked softly, tears welling in his eyes.

The doctor sighed softly. “Jim’s condition is extremely critical. If he doesn’t wake up in the next twenty-four hours, he may never wake up.”

This time it was Dr. Wilcox who walked Blair to Jim’s room in the ICU. He was the one to hear Blair’s gasp as he took in the sight of his partner, and he waited in the doorway while Blair approached the bed.

Blair’s eyes roamed over Jim’s still figure. His head was swathed in gauze and the bruises on his face looked darker against the white of the bandages.

“I performed a tracheotomy in the OR, Blair. It will make him more comfortable in the long run.”

Dr. Wilcox’s voice made Blair flinch. //In the long run? // he thought. // If there is a *long run*.// Blair nodded and approached the bed. He picked up Jim’s hand and bent to lay a soft kiss on his lover’s lax lips.

“He’s on anti-seizure medication, Blair, but we’re not giving him anything to keep him from waking. Stimulate him – talk to him. I can’t stress enough how important that is.”

Blair turned to look at Jim’s physician. “What are you not saying?”

“Just that it isn’t *us* keeping Jim asleep. And the longer a patient is in a coma, the less chance they will wake.”

“So he could be in vegetative state – like this – permanently?” Blair asked, with a small tremor in his voice.

“Yes, Blair. This could be a permanent condition.”

“I won’t believe that,” Blair declared. He turned back to face the bed and picked up Jim’s hand again. “I can’t believe it.”

Blair stayed beside the bed through the day, talking to Jim, pleading with him to wake – and finally, settling in a chair and reading the newspaper to him. By the end of the afternoon he was hoarse, but he hadn’t given up hope. He’d talk Jim home again. He could accept no less.

He had decided Jim wouldn’t be left alone again so he called Simon. The Major Crimes crew had set up a schedule to relieve Blair for short periods of time. As he waited for Simon to come and relieve him so he could get some dinner he stood at Jim’s side again.

“It’s day five, Jim, and you’re not holding up your end of our agreement.” He paused. “What agreement, you ask?” He smiled sadly. “Why, the pact we made each other. The promise you made to me that you would grow old by my side.” His voice broke on a sob. “Don’t leave me, Jim. Please, come back to me.”

“Blair?”

This soft, deep voice made Blair stiffen in surprise. “Simon,” he said without turning around. “Thanks for coming.”

Simon entered the room. “How’s he doing?”

Blair shrugged and turned a tear-stained face to Simon. “Not good. He’s being stubborn.”

Simon nodded gravely.

Blair sobbed once, then pressed his lips together and took a breath. “Sorry. He’s failing, Simon. He’s dying and I don’t know how to stop it.”

“Dying?” the police Captain stammered.

Blair nodded, wiping fresh tears from his face. “Dr. Wilcox was just here. He explained that Jim’s vital signs are getting progressively worse. If – if he doesn’t make some kind of improvement soon, he might never wake up again.” Blair watched as a stunned Simon tried to digest this new information before speaking again. “Thanks for stopping by, Simon. Could you talk to him – or read to him – while I grab some dinner? He needs all the stimulation we can give him right now. We have to call him back to us.”

Simon nodded. “I can do that, Blair.”

“Thanks, Simon. I won’t be long.” He turned to go.

“Blair? Wait a second.” Simon waited until Blair had turned back to him. “Take some time. Go home and change – take a shower – eat some dinner. I’ll stay with him until you get back.”

Blair nodded once and was gone.

<><><>

“Blair, you need to think about what’s best for Jim. It was a week yesterday. This is day eight, if you will, and Jim is not getting any better. His vitals are depressed to the point where I truly don’t know what’s keeping him alive. I don’t see him coming out of this.”

Blair sobbed softly as he nodded his understanding.

“Think about it, Blair. What would Jim want? I can pull the feeding tube and shut off the ventilator. The end will be peaceful.”

Blair hiccoughed. “I – I need some time to think about it.”

Dr. Wilcox nodded. “I understand, Blair. It isn’t an easy decision to make.”

Blair sniffled. “Thank you. Can – can I be alone with him now?” he asked softly.

“Sure thing, Blair. Take all the time you need.” The doctor stood and left the room, pulling the curtain closed behind him.

<><><>

Blair clutched Jim’s hand, kneading the cool flesh gently. His words were soft, falling without rhythm, half-gasped in his anguish.

“It’s day nine now and I can’t do this! Don’t make me make this decision! How can I? God, I know we talked about this, but now it’s different. Please, Jim…don’t leave me. Don’t you fucking die on me, Ellison!”

The litany went on, words tripping over each other as Blair stuttered out his pleas, much like a prayer. He repeated the words until his voice gave out and the he gulped, gasping around his tears as he looked at his too-still partner. “Open your eyes. Look at me, damn it!” he croaked painfully.

He laid his head on the sheet, closing his eyes against the machines, the bruising, the bandages, rolling his forehead against the crisp, cool bedding. “Don’t do this, Jim. I’m going to be selfish here. I’m not above begging, because I can’t do this alone.”

The rhythmic hiss of the ventilator stuttered and his eyes snapped open. He stared into weary blue eyes.

“Jim, stay with me, man.”

Jim’s eyes closed slowly as Blair reached over and pushed the call button for the nurse. At that moment the curtain was pushed back and Patricia rushed in. At the same time Blair heard an overhead page for Dr. Wilcox.

Patricia rushed up to the bedside. “What happened, Blair? I saw a blip in the monitors.”

Blair wiped the tears from his eyes. “Jim – he opened his eyes,” he croaked.

“Are you sure, Blair?” she asked as she began logging Jim’s vital signs.

Blair nodded, not trusting his voice.

Dr. Wilcox bustled in. He nodded to Blair and turned to the nurse. “What’s going on?”

Patricia looked up. “His vitals have taken a turn – for the better. In fact, they’ve taken a dramatic turn for the better – and Blair said he opened his eyes.”

Dr. Wilcox turned to Blair. “Blair? He opened his eyes?”

Blair nodded again. “Yes,” he whispered.

“You okay?” Dr. Wilcox asked as he stepped to the bedside.

“I’m fine,” came the whispered reply. “Now,” he added.

Dr. Wilcox smiled briefly and turned back to the bed. Blair sank into the nearest chair.

“Why don’t you take a break, Blair?” Dr. Wilcox said over his shoulder.

“I can’t leave him now!” Blair protested.

“Not asking you to leave the hospital, just to give us some time to check him over and get some more tests. I’m sending him for a stat CAT scan, among other things. Go – make your phone calls if you need to – get a cup of coffee. Give me an hour to get him settled back in here – okay?”

Blair nodded and got to his feet. He began to sway and Patricia called out, “Carol!”

Another nurse came bustling in and grabbed a hold of Blair’s arm as his knees began to buckle. She helped him to sit and bent him over, putting his head between his knees. Dr. Wilcox nodded his thanks.

“Blair – you’re exhausted. Carol, take him and put him in the recliner in the lounge. Blair, sleep – or I’m admitting you for observation.”

Carol bent down. “Think you are okay to stand, Blair?”

He nodded and allowed her to help him to his feet.

<><><>

Two hours later found Blair ensconced back in Jim’s room, holding his hand. The test results were promising but Dr. Wilcox had cautioned Blair about the very real possibility of Jim relapsing.

“He’s not out of the woods yet, Blair.”

“I know,” Blair said softly, his voice still hoarse from overuse. “I also know he’s going to make it.”

Dr. Wilcox nodded, unwilling to argue the point. After all, positive thinking had been known to work miracles in seemingly hopeless cases.

And so Blair talked to Jim again, willing him to open his eyes. He refused to relinquish his place at Jim’s side when Megan came to relieve him so she delivered his meal to the ICU and made sure he ate it. She then kept him company at Jim’s side, adding her own fervent prayers to Blair’s.

After Megan went home, Blair continued to talk to Jim and, eventually, his voice gave out all together. Finally, he was so tired, he couldn’t keep his eyes open. Giving in to his body’s demands, he laid his head on the bed, and, using his arm for a pillow, he fell asleep.

<><><>

Blair woke on day ten to the feel of a weight on the back of his head. He opened his eyes and realized he had spent the entire night lying with his head on Jim’s bed. Pushing up gently, he groaned as his muscles protested his movement. He heard a soft laugh.

Cracking open an eye, he rolled his head. “Patricia, it is so not fair to laugh at the unfortunate.” At her laugh, he grinned and then asked. “What’s on the back of my head anyway?”

“Jim’s hand,” she replied matter-of-factly.

“Jim’s hand? How?”

She shrugged and helped him move the hand from his head, smiling again when Blair groaned and stretched. “I’m assuming he put it there, since that’s how I found the two of you this morning.”

Blair grinned. “He woke up again? I can’t believe I slept through it!”

“It’s okay, I’m sure he’ll wake up again today. He is getting stronger, Blair.”

“Really? He’s stronger?” he asked, needing to hear the words again.

“Yes, he is really stronger, Blair,” Dr. Wilcox said from the doorway. “I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, but I think the rumors about you two are true. It was obviously your presence that helped bring Jim back to us.”

“When you two are through complimenting each other, I think someone wants to see you,” Patricia said softly.

Both men turned at the sound of her voice. Blair moved to the bedside quickly, bending over the railing and taking Jim’s hand in his own. “Jim! You’re awake.”

Jim tried to pull his hand from Blair’s and Blair, noticing the movement, let go of the hand. Jim’s hand fluttered weakly toward his throat and Dr. Wilcox reached out and took hold of his arm quickly. Jim’s eyes tracked wearily toward the doctor and he turned his head very slightly.

“Hi there, Jim. I’m Dr. Wilcox.”

Jim looked at Blair again. Blair grinned and nodded.

“You’re in the hospital, Mr. Ellison,” Dr. Wilcox continued. “You were in an accident ten days ago.”

Jim rolled his eyes toward the doctor again and tugged weakly on his hand.

Dr. Wilcox smiled and put Jim’s hand back on the bed. “You’re on a ventilator, Jim. You mustn’t try to touch your throat, okay?”

Jim blinked once and then his eyes closed and he was asleep again.

“I think we need to restrain his arm, Patricia.” He raised his hand as Blair opened his mouth to protest. “It’s for his own safety, Blair. You may leave his hand unrestrained if you are in the room and at his bedside. If you even turn around, I want the restraint on. If you have a problem with this arrangement, I can write the order to have the restraint on at all times.”

Blair nodded and watched as Patricia fastened the restraint to the bed frame. She then showed him how it fastened as she put Jim’s hand in it. Bair knew it was a necessity, but he silently promised Jim that he would not use it any more than he had to.

<><><>

By late on day eleven, Blair noticed that Jim was waking more frequently and was seemingly following his conversation. It was a great sign and Blair had to keep reminding himself that Jim was a long way from okay and that it would be a long hard road to recovery. Jim’s senses were off, but Blair had walked his through adjusting his pain dials and keeping his other senses on an even keel so he was managing all right.

Blair sat beside Jim’s bedside late into the evening, watching his lover sleep and he smiled. It was going to take a lot of hard work and tears, but Jim was going to be okay. Life was good.

 

END


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